Continued from here.

For the next few days, after that fight with The Hot Dog, I worked late at the office.  Or to be more precise, I said that I was working late, but really I was just watching old episodes of The Office.  When I would come home, Debbie would already be asleep in bed.  I’d crash on the couch, which was uncomfortable, but made me feel as if I was proving a point, to both the Hot Dog and myself.

So, in short, it took me much longer than it should have to notice that Debbie was sick.  Like really sick. Read the rest of this entry »

So I was just emailed the following video by a good friend/former fiancée type person.  My first impressions?

1. “I was pretty jacked up on marijuana”=classic.

2. I have tapped into a cultural zeitgeist!

3. OR I’m a hack!

continued from here.

The next few weeks were amazing.  I’ve gotta say, as nutty as it sounds, my relationship with the Hot Dog was probably the best relationship I’d ever had.  Everything was so easy.  I mean, first of all, me and the Hot Dog or “Debbie” as I later started calling it, had so much in common.  We both liked laying around, going to ball games, and just generally shooting the shit.  All of my other girlfriends seemed so needy in comparison.  If I wanted to watch television, Debbie was into that.  If I wanted to go to park, Debbie was down.  There wasn’t a single thing I could think of that Debbie didn’t want to do.  Well, save for go to the butcher, but that had more to do with fidelity issues. Read the rest of this entry »

continued from here.

I felt like I was sitting there forever, I had no idea what to do.  So when I heard the familiar clip clop back into the men’s room, I figured it was just time to leave.  I got up and walked out of the stall and made eye contact with Martin for a second.  He looked at me, the stall and then the hot dog, and thought to say something about it, but I guess he was so confused or embarrassed he let it pass. Read the rest of this entry »

Continued from here.

So as I’m staring at this hot dog, which has suddenly gone silent, I paused to look around.  Maybe I was on one of those prank shows.  People always seem really happy that they’ve been busted on a prank show, even when they look like total assholes, and I guess it’s ’cause of moments like these.  It would be so much better to find a recorder in the hot dog and look like an idiot on tv than the reality of actually talking to a talking hot dog.

But there are no camera crews, no Ashton Kutchers with his stupid trucker hats, just me, surrounded by a throng of business commuters. Read the rest of this entry »

Yesterday, I was so hungry that I ran out and got a hot dog on my lunch break.  I’ve sort of stopped eating meat in the last few weeks, kind of as a default: most of my friends are vegan, so when you hang out with vegans, going to a restaurant that has steak is a little hard to stomach.  For me.  Out of guilt.  Not guilt for the anim-

Nevermind, I think you get what I mean.

Anyway, when I was on my lunch break at the ad agency I freelance for, I only had time to run out for a second, and the only thing close by was the hot dog vendor on 37th street.  But I was so greatful to even have that, I absentmindly said: “I love you hot dog,” because, well, just because.  But what was weird, is that the hot dog said: “I love you too,” which made me spit out the bite that I just ate. Read the rest of this entry »