Do pirates dream of working in cubicles?

by Chioke Nassor

Did you know that pirates dream of working in office cubicles?  It’s a fact that, in between making people walk the plank, or during a hard day of scurvy having, they wistfully long to be in a temperature controlled room, with clean white walls, and no scurvy.

When pirates get into fights with their gay pirate lovers, frustrated about how small the deck has suddenly become, furious at Dennis for even looking at that stupid wench, they dream of getting water that doesn’t taste of brine from a water cooler, trading jokes about last nights Office. It’s what they fantasize about in their bunks when they wake up from fever dreams worried that Blackbeard will slit their throats in the middle of the night.

Oh, and for Halloween, pirates dream of a time where they can get dressed up in light comfortable linens that don’t smell like piss and beer instead of their itchy woolen pants, or worse, the eye patch that gives Martin a rash every time he wears it on land, (which incidentally is less about looking mean or fashionable and more to avoid making the prostitutes run and hide from his hideous monstrosity).  Did you know that?

Well it’s true.